Emotional Day Day 1

It's not heartache. But.. Plain emotional.

Battle among Kenny 1 and Kenny 2 in my brain this morning whether to join the Bogor students again or to sit for Physics exam. I love Physics! But i could not concentrate yesterday when studying it. My mind kept on wandered around footdrill practices and the Bogor students. In the end i followed Jaarvis. Another happy day as well. The Bogor students aka the SMPN1 students are getting friendlier and less awkward. They like to tease me and the way i walk now. =.= But we are all happy together. (: And today we had Jaarvis, Serene, YeeShan, Rocyie and I escorting them around. So since the BOSS OF GOSSIPING aka HEAD OF THE SCHOOL was there, we comeled a lot. [comel is gossip in Bahasa Indonesia] :P Had a really fun day though we had some kekangan due to miscommunications with teachers. Especially when we had a bit of hard time with Pn Chew as she did not allow us to skip paper two in the first place. But throughout the school hours, nothing major happened. I tried to please everyone. Hopefully everyone had a pleasant day.

Meeting time. Chris was not around. ): Although it was a bit messy because due to the busy day and the exam, we were caught off guard with the insufficient preparation. But luckily nothing went wrong and everything went on as planned. Hopefully a happy starting of the meeting for this year will boost the members' spirit. The ex-AJK took us by surprise when they came to the field! So many of them were there OMG i could swear my heart skipped a beat. :P Very happy that they still care so much about us. We shall do our best and not disappoint them! But apparently the footdrill session did not please them. Though it was the first time we officially had a face to face fight with the Scouts, we did not bad la. That is what i would say. But the ex-AJK thought otherwise. Probably i have gone soft with the girls. Expectations shall be lifted today onwards. (: Anyway, i think Kee somehow reads my blog kot. Or sis, you told her one ar? :P Thank you la Kee for not bullying us. No problem if wanna 'fight' face to face like that but don't go too far la. Girls are still girls, right sis? :P

What the ex-AJK told me after the meeting really hurt. Not as much as yesterday because i've already heard it from Tzen's mouth. But there was something that made me sad, real sad. Bottomline, in the ex-AJK's eyes, we are not good enough, yet.

Miss Kamisah just told me the truth about the complaint. She actually messaged me, again. I hope i can do something to unveil this mist. Misunderstanding is as sharp as a blade, really. Such case happened in Prefectorial Board before and now it's PBSM. Why can't these problems leave me alone? ):

Tomorrow. Another hectic day. Have to skip LISIC meeting for footdrill. And have to replace ThienSiang a while as he has to go futsal. I hope Pn Dayang does not get agitated with my absence in LISIC. Including next week. *sigh* And have to start second formation SOON! Damn it less than ten practices left and second formation undone?!

...

Suddenly, at this moment, i feel so helpless. If i look back at our practices, the degree of improvement is not too vast. The level of spirit is not high enough. Serene and I are not even sure what else to do. Heck, we even have doubts on ourselves. But no! We shall not waver nor shiver! We shall face this together and work this out! We really want this to work! God bless us.

*sigh*

Did i mention that i skip exam again today?

Did i mention that i really really like the Indonesian people, especially Khairul?

Did i mention that i think the teachers started to mark me as the exam-escapee because i escorted the SMPN1 students too many times?

Did i mention that sometimes i might have ignored any of my friends and if they did feel so i am really sorry?

Did i mention that this week is really a hectic week?

Did i mention that i really like to kawad very much?

Did i mention that i really hope the girls will enjoy the time when we have practice because we will not have this kind of practice, the same kind of practice, with the same kind of people, next year?

Did i mention recently every night before i sleep the last thing i always thought of is the girls and how to make them improve and how to make them like footdrill and how to make them feel happy and how to make them feel less shy?

Did i mention how i would love to have half of the form four's spirit to be inserted into the form three and two so that they will be equally spirited too?

Did i mention that these few days i really have less than 5 hours of sleep when it's supposed to be an EXAM week?

Did i mention that footdrill problem is not the only problem i face recently?

Did i mention that when footdrill problem is added with relationship problem AND family problem that burden can KILL?! [xJ understands this the most]

Did i mention that if the news come out a girl high school students cried to death and a guy high school student jumped off the roof out of stress, do not be surprised?

Did i mention that recently the only things that keep me happy are my new friends from Bogor and my close friends around me?

Did i mention that although during footdrill practices i seem happy but all i was trying to do was to make everyone happy?

Did i mention that though i love marching a lot but if the girls improve only bit by bit and the spirit is not there, it actually hurts inside?

Did i mention that i am trying to express myself here though this risk my exam and there is add maths tomorrow with a mere and sincere hope that somehow all of the girls will read and they will have more spirit so that they can march better?

Did i mention that if my brother EVER EVER EVER reads these few posts here and realise how much i sacrifice ESPECIALLY EXAMINATIONS just for my new friends from Bogor and footdrill, he will really tell my parents and god knows what will REALLY happen?

Did i mention that i wish this gets over soon sometimes but at the same time i do not want it to be over because i really enjoy marching with the girls?

Did i mention that if one day one of the girls tell me that coming to the footdrill practice is a waste of time and energy and didn't help at all and that it's not enjoyable at all, i will really get emo until the extent of i-don't-know-how?

Did i mention that my one and only request, is so that everyone is happy and enjoy their time with me?

*sigh*