hmm..

I wonder if my life has ever reached its bottom. Or my life is bottomless and it will continue falling until..until..until.. There is never an ending. I feel so disconnected from everything. Not only the people around me. But the things around me. My academics. My passion towards singing. My love towards reading. My everything.

What happened?

What happened to me exactly?

I am ignoring my responsibilities. I am neglecting my duties. I am not giving full commitment to anything i am attached to. There is no centre in my life. Yet things just keep pouring into my lifeless soul. And i do not know how to contain them. No! I know how to contain them. I just don't know how to treat them. They are just rubbish. Yes. Rubbish. Inside this human-like rubbish bin. I am a piece of rubbish.

I will be lying if i say i need no mercy. I will be lying if i say i need no help. But from who? Who is willing enough to care about a piece of rubbish like me? Like what Alicia Keys said, no one.

Now, what is my life about? Not to serve as part of the human beings. But, to be compared to the rest of the breathing humans in this world and to be out-shined by them. Compared to me, they are the better ones. Compared to me, they will feel better. Compared to me, they are not rubbish. Is that what i am here for, what my life is all about?

Let it be for all i care. I do not know how long more i will have to fall. But i will fall. With all humiliation and embarrassment and insults. For all i care.

I fall.

Unexpected coincidence. (x

I believe i have mentioned Mr Leong, the EduBox promoter guy in my previous post. He actually knows who my elder brother is. That time actually Abang Azrul [i believe this is his name], our EduBox teacher, wanna take attendance. He went to us one by one. So then Mr Leong followed him. And when they reached me, it's like..

MrLeong : Are you Chow Hoo Keng [at this very moment i wanted to just interfere and say "My name is Chow Hoo Keen" but i let him continued his sentence anyway]'s brother?
Me : *went from o_o -> o_O -> O_O* How do you know him?! Oh my gosh you are freaking me out! You almost know everyone! [the reason i said this is because Mr Leong also knows who PangCheng and HongKyenk and ShunRen are, i suppose] Are you my brother's schoolmates or something??
MrLeong : No la. Because he is my brother's friend ma.
Me : Oh yeah hor. You are quite old liao. [i know it's evil for me to say this but he is a fun person to joke with! xP]
MrLeong : You look like your brother.
Me : O_O
MrLeong : You are dark. You have a lot of girl friends. [he said this because that time all my friends are girls. The guys are attending this class on Thursday. So too bad for me. )x] Because your brother also had a lot of girl friends one ma. You just look like your brother la. *walk away slowly while smirking*
Me : No laaaah..

If only the condition of the Computer Lab is a little brighter, i think my friends can see me turning red. I cannot stand the situation where everyone knows who i am related to and stuffs. Makes me feel well-known Embarrasing!

Before that, after Abang Azrul had distributed all the student tags, he asked us to write our names and class and whats not on it. I didn't have mine because i originally signed up for the Thursday class. So the tag might still be with the Thursday class. [Thursday class and Friday class teachers aren't the same. Why huh?] Therefore, since i had nothing to do, i helped YeeShan to write her name, since she admitted that her handwriting is not nice. So when i was writing, Abang Azrul came behind me, massaged my shoulders while saying..

AbangAzrul : Wah. Boyfriend tak payah tulis nama untuk sendiri tapi tulis untuk awak. Okay laaa..
YeeShan didn't even have the chance to reply and i said..
Me : Bukanlah! Dia punya tulisan kecil. So saya tulis untuk dia la!
AbangAzrul : Oh ye ke?? *laughs*
Me : Ye la!
YeeShan : *pretends that she is vomitting*
AbangAzrul : *laughs and walked away*

Bugger weh! Then Charissa and YanYuan who sat beside me laughed. =.=

Then when i wanna go back, YeeShan asked me to ask Abang Azrul and Mr Leong whether Serene can still register if she wants. So there i went la. With Charrisa and YanYuan [YeeShan went back] Then there MrLeong went again with his teases!

MrLeong : Yeah. Can. You can ask him to.. Is it a him or her?
Me : Er.. Her.
MrLeong : Oh then sure your girlfriend one lar. *continues what he wanted to say in the first say casually* Then she can come next week. If there is an extra space then she can join.
AbangAzrul : Ye la. Banyak girlfriends. Tadi datang pun ada tiga ke empat bersama.
Me : *genuinely feel like smacking their asses!* She is not my girlfriend la. Okay then thanks! Good bye!

And i really went out after the good bye. LOL! Well despite the weird coincidence where MrLeong actually knows who my elder bro is and the whole stupid teasings which i should not say i did not enjoy i think i am in love with this class. It's relaxing and fun! :D

So that's my first EduBox class. :)

Eh?

Oh my i am thinking so much about EduBox i forgot to mention about myself and AI.

Apparently, Carly is eliminated this week. HUGE surprise to everyone else i think since she was fantastic this week. But to me, seriously, it's not as surprising as seeing Kristy leave. Boo however you want people. That's still what i think :P

And what Andrew said to David Cook before David sang was REALLY HILARIOUS! How can Andrew be the most gorgeous girl ever?! LOL!

And..

I was sick. Still is. But got better. Yesterday was..urgh..horrible. I couldn't get a good sleep. Kept waking up from 1 then 2 then 3 then 4 o'clock. And i was shivering, from the cold i guess, though i am fully covered by the blanket. Sigh. Thanks to the sudden rain i guess. And the absence of my beloved umbrella by my side.

And..

i am attending the 3.30pm EduBox class right. To not clash with my Chinese class. So that's my only option. But tomorrow, there will be no Chinese class. Which means i am staying back only for EduBox. Which means from 12 o'clock which is when the school ends, to 3.30pm, i will be doing NOTHING in school. NOTHING!

WTF!

Life, you'd say. LIFE!

:)

Sometimes it is really hard to make a decision but once you have made it, a burden is really lifted. That kind of feeling is really great. But right after you make that decision, you find that the problem, which you are afraid that will surface when you make the decision, really surfaces, you will have second doubt on your decision. But then it will struck your mind that, it is too late for a U-Turn. So stick with it and move on.

I have recently signed up for EduBox, which is sort of like a computer class. It teaches stuffs more on programming, not exactly how to use a computer lar! =.= I am really hooked to it the moment Mr. Leong promoted this programme /class in our school few weeks ago. So i decided that i must sign up.

But. First problem. The schedule for the class was initially only on every Friday, 1.30pm to 3.30pm or 3.30pm to 5.30pm. But then at 1.30pm we Chinese students have Chinese class. And 3.30pm class will end at 5.30 which is too late and some of us have tuition that time. So few or us [ShunRen, PangCheng, Jon, HongKyenk, JasonLeong and Me] discussed with Mr Leong for another day which was Thursday. He said he had to discuss with the school first.

So if there are more than 80 or 100 people signing up for this EduBox, then only the school will allow another class on Thursday, 2.30 to 4.30pm. I am okay with that. Initially. Although i have club on that day, i can give my co-curricular book to the club and state that i have some class to attend. Moreover, i didn't have a post. So it is quite okay if i attend the Thursday EduBox.

THEN.

I was suddenly elected as the Secretary for my club. That binds me to the club. And skipping it is a big NO now.

So it's either i sacrifice my post in my club to attend the Thursday class or give up my Chinese class for the 1.30pm class on Friday or i go for the 3.30pm class on Friday and have to reach home approximately 7 or 8 every Friday.

After a long and frustrating thinking and discussion with lotsa people, finally i made a choice.

I decided on the Friday 3.30pm class.

I have to sacrifice.

I have to bear with reaching home at 7 or 8 every Friday until SEPTEMBER.

*sigh*

Things are far more complicated that how i just blogged actually. FAR MORE complicated. With people's feelings and all. I really am sacrificing my own bloody time and energy for people's sake to do something i want.

I am tired.

Sick.


But nothing can be done to alter anything.

Bear with it, Hoo Keen. People only realise how things are not going well for them, not you. So, bear with it.

*sob*

As a sign of mourning, i will sleep listening to Kristy's songs.

i still can't get over it. *sigh*

Good night. And may god bless Kristy.

202 posts

I didn't realise earlier. This is the post number 202. So happy entering 200+ posts to me and my blogger.

*lame*

We Hate American Idol

Kristy Lee Cook is out. At this moment i would prefer Brooke to go out. Or better, Syesha. But now Kristy is out! SHE IS OUT!

Happy la you all ungrateful bastards. i do not know how does this make you all ungrateful but just go six feet under!

Sigh. Shall mourn for her exit! Sigh.

She is getting so much better!

Sigh.

SIGH!

This is why i love American Idol

As usual i thought David Archuleta was good. Not really great because no wow to me. Sorry Stef. :P

Then Carly came. I thought she did good. Well normal. Which means nothing special. Not like Leona. Somehow Leona Lewis did it really well. I just don't know why.

Syesha was okay. I found her pitching off quite a lot of times and i was quite annoyed but that's just me.

Brooke started off nice! But as i predicted, her performances go from outstanding from the starting of the competition to boring. If she stays for another week, it might not do her any good. Okay so maybe she cannot win afterall. Except if she can really show a vast difference in her performance and maintain the difference or freshness brought So i thought, since she didn't do really well this week, that she stays for another week, and then does a really fantastic job of what she does best and get eliminated. That is, in my opinion, the most graceful exit to the journey of American Idol as someone who cannot win the contest, but has great talent. :)

KRISTY! She is so pretty! "Can i give you a hug?" xD Okay i was quoting her. She said that to Mariah. Well to me Kristy is improving, not quickly, but steadily. I really love the country side of her. Though i really really hope that she can do Pop songs as well. But being good only in country is also enough. Like Carrie. :D

OMG DAVID COOK! I tell you i am officially his fans. I think he is the king of the night! I totally love the arrangement of the song! And yes it can be in a movie right away! OMG! How can someone be so bloody talented in music?! I am so so so so so jealous! :P NOW i don't care if he was or is stuck-up anymore! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! And he was in tears! OMG that's so cute!

Jason. He did good. But still not good enough to make me a fan. :P Maybe he can produce great hits and singles but performance wise, he is not strong enough. That's my opinion anyway.

My bottom 3 : Carly, Brooke, Syesha
Best of the night : David Cook
Prettiest of the night : Kristy of course

xD

*gasp*

I just realised. that. Miley Cyrus. is. borned. in. 1992!

OMG!


And she is so good in singing already! I am really taken aback!

ps. I super duper love Carrie Underwood!

Good Morning

Time for a little update about me?

I have recently felt that i am disconnected from most of the people around me, especially the seniors.
I have recently felt that i am indirectly degraded to a No One by certain people.
I have recently felt that there is a confirmation that my social skills is nil.
I have recently felt that i am being disliked by many people.
Or at least they are the one who constantly give me these weird looks and glares.
I have recently felt that my sense of responsibility is going down the drain.
I have recently signed up for Edubox, a multimedia programme learning course. Yet, problem arises - not perfect timing.
I have recently [AND abruptly] been promoted to Secretary in Kelab Reka Cipta dan Kemahiran Hidup aka Living Skills and Invention Club aka LISIC.
elaboration : Not that i am complaining. But this is way too sudden for me. And i have actually made another plan. Now my plan is stopped by the selfish decision made. And i think i would have to torture myself until September until the course is over. Or better, LISIC is over x:

I have recently been informed that examination is in early of May.
I am taken aback by that information.
I have recently realised that i need to really buck up my Bio, Chem and History. And Add Maths.
I have recently realised that i have fallen deeply in love. With Physics.
I have recently realised that my future is insecure.
I have recently realised that i need more friends.
I have recently realised that i need help.
I have recently realsied that i need to concentrate more on what i am doing at the moment to not to be distracted by something else easily.

*silence*

I realise that i need to go now.
*sigh* another emo post

Idols Give Back + Results Show

Not really in the excited mood.

Idols Give Back was great! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Carrie! Miley was great too! I totally love the night! And the dancing by So You Think You Can Dance was..OMG-ish! *aww*

But the results!!

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!


*sigh*

Well, to American Idol, even if in your game, Michael is destined not to win, at least let him get to top 5, can't you? He is a DAMN GOOD singer! Better than Jason, in my HONEST opinion.

*sigh*

Oh and. Annabelle will be damn damn sad.

*sigh*

And yeah. Like what Garry said, we hate American Idol.

Rant rant rant.

i've never realised how influential a blog can be to the extent that people actually advise bloggers to blog decent materials, use proper languages and do STAY AWAY from politics as possible as you can. *uh huh*

and then i thought, "maybe i should really start blogging REALLY DECENTLY this time. maybe someone will actually come to my blog and read." well being the perfectionist-me at the totally weird stuffs, i would obviously love to have readers. so i must maintain my.. blogging standards. [LMAO anyone?!] i know i've been saying that "blogging decently" countless times. but i will try my best to blog decently, okay? ;)

and i really should start writing soon. i must get the flow of writing so that i can write easier when it comes to essays and articles. *ish* but now the bloody history notes is waiting for me to..conquer! *flips open the history textbook and start doing*

hope i can concentrate!

When it all equals to zero..

It is destined. It is how i am made of. It is the fate. Meant to be. Cannot be altered.

*sigh*

Really. When it all equals to zero, nothing can be done to change it.

Unless, miracle?

...

Sorry with the rambles. I shall start off with my homework now.

American Idol fever again

Aww. Ramiele left. I never knew it would be so emotional until i watched the show. Ramiele is so so so so so sweet! But she did not utilise her powerful voice. What to do? I really hope Jason will go home soon. But i have a hunch that he will stay around for a little while longer. But still, Jason, go home. (:

Or Syesha.

(:

I am gonna re-watch the whole season of American Idol during this coming holiday which is two months away. But still I can't wait it. :P

And. I am so looking forward to watching next week's show! We have Miley Cyrus! Mariah Carey! Maroon 5! Many more great great celebrities!

:D

*screams*

AHHH!

Brooke White was in the bottom 3 this week!

I came here as fast as i could after i knew the news!

Bottom 3 this week = Kristy, Ramiele and Brooke! )=

AHHHHH!

Though she survived. But still, BOTTOM THREE!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!