hmm..

I wonder if my life has ever reached its bottom. Or my life is bottomless and it will continue falling until..until..until.. There is never an ending. I feel so disconnected from everything. Not only the people around me. But the things around me. My academics. My passion towards singing. My love towards reading. My everything.

What happened?

What happened to me exactly?

I am ignoring my responsibilities. I am neglecting my duties. I am not giving full commitment to anything i am attached to. There is no centre in my life. Yet things just keep pouring into my lifeless soul. And i do not know how to contain them. No! I know how to contain them. I just don't know how to treat them. They are just rubbish. Yes. Rubbish. Inside this human-like rubbish bin. I am a piece of rubbish.

I will be lying if i say i need no mercy. I will be lying if i say i need no help. But from who? Who is willing enough to care about a piece of rubbish like me? Like what Alicia Keys said, no one.

Now, what is my life about? Not to serve as part of the human beings. But, to be compared to the rest of the breathing humans in this world and to be out-shined by them. Compared to me, they are the better ones. Compared to me, they will feel better. Compared to me, they are not rubbish. Is that what i am here for, what my life is all about?

Let it be for all i care. I do not know how long more i will have to fall. But i will fall. With all humiliation and embarrassment and insults. For all i care.

I fall.